Jokes 1

An IT manager is walking down the beach when he finds a bottle. He opens the bottle and a Genie comes out. ‘For freeing me, O Master, You have 3 wishes.’
‘Give me the winning lottery tickets for the next month,’ said the IT manager.
‘No problem,’ said the Genie. ‘What is your next wish?’
‘Tell me what is the square root of minus 1.’ ‘Wow,’ said the Genie, ‘ I think that may be impossible even for me. Tell me about your third wish?’
‘Convince Linux users of the advantages of Windows’
The Genie pondered. ‘Let’s get back to this square root problem..’

A Software engineer dies and goes to the Pearly Gates. St Peter meets him and to his suprise tells him that he has a choice between Heaven and Hell.
St Peter takes the Engineer to Hell. It’s wonderful; sunshine, beautiful girls and as much as you can drink free.
The Engineer then takes a look round Heaven. It’s a nice place but not quite as much fun as the other place, so the Engineer decides to go to Hell.
Three weeks later St Peter goes to see how the Engineer is getting on. The Engineer is tied to a tree, being whipped and tortured every hour and no food or drink. ‘What was all that party stuff you showed me?’ asked the Engineer.
‘Oh, that,’ replied St Peter. ‘That was a demo.’

Three engineers apply for the same job. ‘I must ask you a question to test your aptitude,’ said the interviewer. ‘What is 2 + 2 ?’
The Electrical engineer pondered ‘Is it 37?’.
‘No,’ said the interviewer. ‘You are well out.’
‘Is it Wednesday?’ said the Production engineer. ‘Wednesday?,’ said the interviewer.
‘No.’
‘Is it 4?’ asked the Software engieer.
‘That’s correct,’ said the interviewer. ‘How did you work that out?’
‘Easy,’ replied the Software engineer, proudly. ‘I just took 37 from Wednesday.’

How many Microsoft engineers does it take to change a light bulb? None. They just redefine darkness.

Three Engineers go for a job interview. ‘You must all answer this question,’ said the interviewer. ‘If you had to work in a hot country, what one item would you take to keep cool?’
‘I would take a fan,’ said the mechanical engineer.’When it was hot I could have a cool breeze over me.’
‘I would take a large umbrella,’ said the production engineer. ‘That way I could always work in the shade.’
The software engineer took his turn. ‘I think I would take a car door.’
‘A car door?’ replied the Interviewer. ‘Whatever for?’
‘Well,’ explained the softy, ‘when it gets too hot I could always wind down the window.’

The CEO drives up to the main gate in a brand new Mercedes.
‘That’s an amazing car,’ said the Security Guard, looking over the Impressive dashboard. ‘What’s that dial for?’ he asked.
‘That’s the turbo inter-cooler oil pressure gauge,’ replied the MD, proudly.
‘Core! What’s that switch for?’
‘That enables the LCD automatic night anti-dazzle rear view mirror.’
‘That’s incredible.’ said the Guard, ‘And what are they for?’ he asked, pointing to some golf tees in the glove compartment.
‘Those are for resting my balls on when I’m driving.’
‘Wow,’ said the Guard, ‘these Mercedes people think of everything!’